Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Poop Stories-Not For the Weak!

A few weeks ago at church, a couple of friends of mine were chatting quietly and then burst out laughing. I, being the nosey Queen that I am, asked what was so funny. One friend (we'll call her Sarah, because, well, that's her name) said, it's a poop story, you don't want to know.

I don't want to hear a poop story?? You bet I do! I love poop stories.

So she told me. And I burst out laughing! Because it is Hi-La-Rious! You will love it, too. Thankfully she said I could share it here with you!
Sarah's husband, (Daddy, for this story) was home with their two girls, Older Girl (OG) age 5, and Younger Girl (YG) age 2. OG was getting ready to take a bath, so she had stripped down to nothing. YG, not wanting to be outdown, had also stripped down. The two girls were playing nicely together in the dining room. Daddy was in the kitchen putting away groceries (how nice is this Daddy? Taking care of the girls by himself and putting away groceries!). Not wanting the girls to get into the groceries, the Daddy put the baby gate up between the dining room and the kitchen. He could still see the girls while he was working.
Before long YG was standing at the gate. She was holding something out to her Daddy. Daddy went over to see what gift his young darling had brought him. Daddy took the gift from her hand with out looking at it.

The gift? You guessed it! A turd!!

Daddy stood for a moment in shock. Then his mind went through the options of what to do with this precious gift. Should he put it in a plastic bag and then in the garbage? No, that would still stink. Should he throw it out in the yard with the dog poop? No.
Then Daddy realized, I'm standing here with a turd in my hand! It's a turd! Go flush it down the toilet!
My friend Sarah, then shared the story about her OG and Daddy.

When OG was very tiny, Daddy decided that he should take on the resposibility of a poopy diaper change. Being the creative Daddy that he is, he thought he would put the tiny baby on the changing table facing him instead of sideways. When he pulled the diaper off, the OG sprayed a big, runny poop all over Daddy.

Did anyone else see that coming? This Daddy gets it good!

My other friend, also named Sarah (why do my friends all have the same name?), is OG and YG's aunt. She chimed in that OG once put poop on her face.


Apparently OG, at around age two, was being changed by Aunt Sarah. OG reached around to her behind and put poop on her hand, then proceeded to put poop on Aunt Sarah's face. This is extrememly funny because Aunt Sarah is a major germaphobe!

Aunt Sarah had a story of her own. This Sarah has two boys, OB age 3 and YB age 1. When YB was a tiny baby, Sarah and her family were out and about, running errands and the like. It was soon time to change the tiny baby's diaper. The ingenious Mommy decided to change the tiny baby on her lap (I have done this more than once myself). With the diaper off, the tiny baby sprayed a huge poop all over the family's brand new van door. The OB kept saying, Bubby pooped all over the van Mommy. Again, this friend is extrememly germaphobic. Sarah said she found dried, crusted poop all over her van for months!

Sadly there were no poop stories about OB, but maybe in the future. There is still time for him!

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